How My Imagination Helped Me to Heal
Kids have the best imaginations. My youngest son can take twenty-two pine cones and turn them into two eleven-man NFL teams competing for the title of Super Bowl LVI Champion. A simple sand castle becomes an ancient village protecting its civilization from fire-breathing dragons. When I was younger, I once took a cardboard box and turn it into Condorman’s flying suit… wings and all. (Don’t know what Condorman is? Google it. You can thank me later.) One time around the age of ten, after a recent move to Tucson, AZ, I took the metal crossbar from a cardboard wardrobe box and pretended it was a crutch. As I hobbled through the house, I looked down at the white linoleum floor and noticed a trail of blood. It wasn’t until my mom came into the room, and I saw the look on her face, that I realized the blood was coming from me. One trip to the ER and a dozen stitches later, and I now have a cool scar to prove my ability to turn anything into an unintended weapon. That might not be something to brag about, but now, every time I look down at the palm of my left hand, I am reminded of something amazing… our scars are proof that God heals.
Miriam-Webster states a scar is “a mark remaining after injured tissue has healed.” Scars are a natural part of the healing process. They will often fade over time, but they never completely disappear. When I look at the scar on my hand, I often wonder if God does this on purpose. I can't help but think that the reason scars never completely fade is because God wants to remind us that He loves us and is in control. God wants us to have the confidence that no matter what pain comes our way, He is capable of healing even the deepest wounds. And, if you live long enough, you will discover that wounds and scars are not just physical.
In 2013, at the age of 34, God made it very clear that I was supposed to start a church. There are too many details to share in this post, but the events leading up to this decision made it undeniable that this was what I was supposed to do. As I prepared to launch a new church, I quickly recognized how difficult it would be and realized I would benefit from having another, more experienced, pastor involved. I never craved being a lead pastor, so I asked my longtime mentor and friend if he would be interested in co-pastoring the church with me. He agreed, and it was not long before our church began to thrive. It was like a chia pet church. We just prayed and it started to grow. It was also not long before I experienced something else… spiritual abuse. The very pastor I had trusted for almost two decades began to manipulate situations, sowing self-doubt and confusion in me. He sought to gain power and control over me by distorting reality and forcing me to question my own judgment and intuition. Sadly he was successful. I was still young and moldable, and he used this to his advantage. This went on long enough for me to be worn down like an eraser in a calculus class. I was so lost and broken that the only option I could see was to leave the very church that God had called me to start. Shortly after I resigned, I experienced something else that was new… intense depression and anxiety. I began to question everything… including, at one point, my sanity. As a result of the manipulation that had taken place, a deep wound had been opened, and it would take two years for a scar to form, and another two years for it to fade.
Today the scar is still there, but it is one of my most cherished scars. A scar that I wouldn’t trade for anything. This scar is proof that God still heals. Not just physical wounds, but emotional ones too. The Apostle Paul explains this strange phenomenon in his letter to the Romans. He teaches us why our scars can become some of our greatest assets… gifts.
Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
James, the half-brother of Jesus, says something similar.
James 1:3-4 (ESV)
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Both Paul and James teach us that our sufferings and trials make us more like Jesus. Suffering helps us develop endurance, character, strength, and confident hope in a God who loves us. Trials teach us to endure, watering our faith so it can grow. Our wounds and scars are not optional, they are the very thing that God loves to use to make us more like Jesus. For this reason, the scar my mentor left me no longer bothers me. What the enemy meant for evil, God meant for good.
Today I have the joy of being the Lead Pastor of a thriving church that, by God’s grace, I was able to start. Every week our church is filled with people who, after experiencing their own wounds and being hurt by the church, are giving Jesus and the church another chance. It is a truly authentic community of people who are striving to become more like Jesus. And this church wasn’t birthed in spite of my pain. It came to be because of my pain. This scar has made me a better leader and taught me more lessons than any life of ease could have ever done. It reminds me every day that our scars are proof that God heals.